Amor y otras cosas: Getting Over Your Ex

José Luis López Velarde shares a few tips for getting over your ex.

When a breakup occurs, especially a romantic one, it is necessary to pay attention to whether help is needed.

A break up can significantly affect a person’s life.

Getting over your ex can be a difficult and painful process. The heartache and loneliness can seem overwhelming, but it is important to remember that it is a completely normal experience.

Leaving behind a relationship in which you have invested so much time and emotions can be challenging, but with the right tools, you can heal and feel good about yourself again.

The first fundamental step to get over your ex is to understand that the grieving process does not happen automatically over time.

We are often told that «time heals all wounds,» but the human mind does not work that way.

The Importance of Talking

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Instead, our minds tend to store unresolved experiences in the unconscious to protect us from similar situations in the future.

For instance, if your relationship ended because of infidelity, that painful experience could be stored in your unconscious.

The next time you start a relationship, you might feel a latent fear of infidelity repeating itself, whether on your part or your partner’s. This defense mechanism is designed to protect you.

However, it is not a long-term solution. It simply hides the pain and trauma instead of healing it. Therefore, it is essential to address and deeply heal any emotional wounds you have.

Stages of Getting Over Your Ex

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The process of getting over your ex can be divided into five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Identifying which stage you are in is crucial for your recovery process.

For example, if you feel angry or frustrated by the breakup, you are in the stage of anger. If you feel nostalgic for the good times of the relationship, you are in the stage of depression.

It is important to remember that these stages can last a variable amount of time and do not necessarily occur in order. You may move back and forth between them before reaching acceptance.

Now, what to do if you want to close the cycle with your ex? In some cases, it may seem necessary to have one last conversation or meeting to make things clear.

Not Always Possible to Talk One Last Time

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However, this need is often an indication that you have not completely gotten over your ex and might be seeking reconciliation instead of closure.

It is essential to understand that closure does not always require a final conversation. In fact, in many cases, it is better to avoid it, especially if you feel that you are in a vulnerable stage of the grieving process.

Seeking closure through conversation can open the door to emotional relapse.

If you want to effectively get over your ex, you must behave like a mature and emotionally balanced person.

Set Boundaries for Your Recovery

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This means you must accept that the closure process is internal and does not necessarily require direct communication with your ex. Instead, focus on your own healing and personal growth process.

If your ex tries to communicate with you constantly and you feel it is interfering with your grieving process, it is important to set boundaries.

You can block your ex on social media and your communication methods to avoid temptations and distractions. If necessary, consider changing your number or device temporarily.

If you have children in common or situations where interaction is inevitable, such as a joint business, communication should be polite and focused on practical aspects.

Of Course, You Can Do This

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Avoid falling back into past arguments or opening emotional wounds. Always prioritize the well-being of your children and your emotional health.

In more complex cases, such as living together after a breakup, you should carefully weigh the benefits and harms of this situation.

Compare the emotional impact of seeing your ex with the economic, social, or family benefits you may get from maintaining cohabitation.

José Luis ends by telling you that if possible, look for alternatives that allow you to heal and move on in your life without the constant presence of your ex. Host José Luis says goodbye for now and reminds you that you are indeed on the way to moving forward with your life. There is nothing you cannot overcome.